Laws of Deal or No Deal

Note: This is a somewhat lighthearted series that looks at shows and the lessons that you should learn from them. We kick this new column of with Deal or No Deal.

1) In most cases, take the deal if there is only one higher amount than the offer left on the board. So many people have lost boatloads of money by not following this rule.

2) Do not break the phone/knock over your case/touch the models/etc. as the banker does not look kindly on that sort of behavior.

3) Do not make the banker mad. If he hates you, he may take a little discount off his offer.

4) Don't hate the banker. I have no idea why we are supposed to hate the banker. In almost every game, he has made a better offer than what the contents of the case was. He is basically giving you money so why would you hate him?

5) Look confident/gutsy as the banker tends to take a discount off offers to less risky players.

6) For the love of God, please DO NOT DANCE. It won't hurt your offer but it really makes me mad. Deal or No Deal has had some of the worst dance routines that I have ever seen. Please don't embarrass yourself with your horrible attempts at dancing.

7) Do not pause/reconsider/etc. as it only gives Howie a chance to go to commercial.

8) Beat Howie up for me if he says any of the following:
"If you hit one of the high amounts, the bank offer is going way down." (well, duh)
"Meal or no meal." (or any variation on that stupid catchphrase)
"Hit one of the low amounts." (Why would I want to hit a high amount?)
"That's not bad." (when you hit $50,000 or $100,000, yes it is bad).
"Do you need a little time?" (How hard is it for a model to open a stinking case?)
Any corny remark aimed at the banker (once again, the banker is GOOD).

As more ideas come to me, I will update this post. If you have any ideas for this list, please post them in the comments section.